Naming a child is such a personal matter that Parents are bound to have strong feelings about making their own choice without outside influence. The following guidelines (based on the needs of foreign-born children) leave enough options open that parents still have a wide range of choices - especially when naming an infant. There may be times, however, when our personal taste in names will have to take second place to the child's needs or desires because names are so closely tied to self-image and self-es teem.

Choosing a first name or a middle name from your child's country affirms your child's cultural and national heritage as an important part of him. It demonstrates to your child and to the world that his original cultural identity is a source of pride. It is an open, acknowledgement of a positive kind of difference that will always be of our child. It may be especially important as your child grows older, but having a typical American name as well may be just a important. Your child can then have the best of both his worlds!

I have read differing opinions as to whether the birth-country name should be chosen as the first name or the middle name. There are those who feel strongly that the name the child came with should be retained as the first name, if it "works." Others point out that there will be times when your child will want to have a simple, familiar American name to feel more like the other kids in the neighborhood. For this reason, many adoptive parents give their infant an American first name (or else a birth-country name such as Lee, Lin, Julia, Andrea, or Daniel - this is also an American name). A birth-country name combined with an American name gives the child the opportunity to affirm either side of his or her cultural identity, depending on the child's mood and stage of development. Mary Kim may wish to be called by both her names at certain times, as her parents now do. At other stages she may wish to introduce herself simply as "Mary" or "Kim". Two short, simple names allow her these options. A boy named John Carlos Clark could have the alternatives of John C. Clark or J. Carlos Clark, depending on his preference at different ages. (You can find names in books and articles about your child's birth country at a city library.)

There is another reason to keep all names short and simple. It is a burden for children and teenagers to frequently spell out a long, complicated name for others when meeting new people, registering for camp, etc. It is much easi er to be Lee Johnson or Lee Paul Johnson than Gareth Byeong Johnson-Phillips According to research done by psychologist Rom Harre and others, children with an unusual, unfamiliar name can feel different in a negative way. Our children will already have two major differences to deal with: being adopted and (potentially) being of a minority race. While we will be helping them to see these two differences as very positive ones, we can choose to minimize other differences by giving them short, simple, familiar names.

How do adopted teenagers feel about their names? There are probably no polls on this question, but I've heard remarks that indicate that some adoptees of this age want a part of their name to reflect their original cultural identity. One girl commented that the best thing her adoptive parents had done for her was to retain her Korean name. On another occasion, an Asian teenager on an adoptee panel exclaimed indignantly, "I'm no Amy!" If she had been named Lin Amy or Amy Lin, she might have felt more validated as a Korean-American. A teenager who has both an American first name and a middle name from his birth-country can be offered the option of reversing these names if he develops a strong interest in affirming his original cultural identity. But some teenagers will value an American name more than their birth-country name (another argument for giving both!).

Many adoption workers and psychologists feel that if your child is age two or older, it is vitally important to call him by the name he is accustomed to, at least until he is ready to make a major change on his own. (Check with the foster mother or orphanage, as a Maria Cristina may be called "Cristi.") Those adopting a school-age child should eventually ask the child his preference as to being called by his original name or choosing an American name, since this could have an effect on his self-esteem. If an American name is chosen by your child, it should be selected from a list of simple, familiar names that you have p repared for him. The "old" name can then become a middle name so that the child does not lose an important part of himself. (Discourage him from rejecting it altogether even if he chooses not to use if for a time.)

When children and teenagers experiment with rearranging their names, there's no need to rush into a legal change of name. Legally your child can go by any name he chooses. By adulthood he may be back to the names you chose for him!

Deborah McCurdy, MSW is Adoption Supervisor at Beacon Adoption Center in Great Barrington, MA, and has a Colombian-born son.

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